BDSM is a niche that has gained a ton of popularity over the past 15 years due to novels, movies, and now mainstream media portraying it in such an open light. The truth is that the BDSM culture has long played a role in fantasies of many men and women all around the world, and that these fetishes/desires have only recently become less taboo and socially accepted. With that being said, you can’t just go around screaming what your fetishes are at every guy/girl you meet and for the most part, discussions about such intimate and naughty desires are typically kept for a later time. This can make dating difficult for a lot of individuals who just want to cut right to the chase but can’t; and if you’re into something that is perceived as a little bit kinky, you just have to hope and pray that the people you’re meeting are into the same thing. Well, not anymore.
Top Rated BDSM Dating Sites To Use This Year (Kink & Fetish Apps)
1. AdultFriendFinder 5.0 out of 5.0 stars
AdultFriendFinder is a site we have mentioned far too many times to count simply because it is so good.This is one of the largest dating sites for hookups but it is also a site that has a huge community of swingers, fetish lovers, and BDSM practitioners. Because of this fact, we have decided to place it atop our list of the best BDSM dating sites this year. The filtration/search mechanisms of this platform are second to none and the mere fact that it has such a massive user base makes it an easy choice for the vast majority of people. If you’re someone that is heavy into BDSM and kinky sex, then you’ve gotta check out AdultFriendFinder – we’ve even reviewed their service in the past and can confirm its greatness.
TRY AFF
2. Ashley Madison 5.0 out of 5.0 stars
Ashley Madison is not a new dating site at all. This is a platform that has been around for two decades. It was originally intended to be strictly an affair/cheating site, but in recent years it has grown into so much more than that. Ashley Madison hosts the ‘outcasts’ of society that want to be sexually liberated – this includes those that are looking to have an affair, indulge in their odd sexual fantasies, practice BDSM, crossdressing, and everything in between. Although this platform doesn’t have as many kink-seekers as AdultFriendFinder, it still hosts a massive amount of BDSM lovers which makes it ideal for those in search of that type of sex. Ashley Madison is another service which we took the pleasure of reviewing and the verdict was that it is one of the best and most underrated hookup sites out right now.
TRY AM
3. FetLife 5.0 out of 5.0 stars
It should come as no surprise to most people that FetLife is this high on our list. It has long been touted as having one of the biggest site populations out there and when it comes to kink diversity, there’s not many that can match it. For that reason, we have to give the platform the respect it deserves and have it listed near the top since it truly gives one of the best BDSM experiences out there. The beauty of this site is that you can search for other members based on their physical appearance and kink preferences which makes filtering out for potential partners significantly easier and smoother as a user. Most users find the greatest amounts of success in larger, North American cities however FetLife is truly global and with enough persistence, one can find a suitable partner even in smaller towns/communities.
4. Alt.com 4.9 out of 5.0 stars
Alt.com is another world-renowned company when it comes to kink-orientated dating, and deciding between them and FetLife was quite a tough decision. They both target individuals who are strictly in search of BDSM/kinky dating and they both have quite a massive user-base. However, Alt’s site population is slightly smaller and they don’t offer as much diversity as it pertains to the kink categories themselves. This is why we couldn’t quite place it above FetLife; however, Alt.com still has a ton of options for those in search of more traditional kinks or basic BDSM practices. The real freaky stuff is generally found on other sites though.
5. 2Fuck 4.8 out of 5.0 stars
2Fuck is one of the newest hookup sites on the web, however it is on the come-up and is quickly becoming a favorite of many in search of the naughtiest and dirtiest kinks out there. In terms of diversity, it doesn’t really get much better than this and no matter how naughty you think your desires are, chances are that there’s somebody on this platform with even sicker thoughts and ideas. Needless to say, it is a very intense website and the users are pretty intense themselves too, so if you’re into the darker stuff and have moved past the basic BDSM stuff, this might be the perfect site for you. It’s important to keep in mind that while the diversity and UI of the site is fantastic, it is still in its infancy stage and might not be all that great outside of the major cities of North America. If you’re close to any metropolitan area, then you should face no trouble in finding a suitable partner to enjoy yourself with.
TRY 2FUCK
6. BeNaughty 4.5 out of 5.0 stars
BeNaughty has a lot of the benefits that you’ll find on smaller websites like 2Fuck, however it generally faces the same issues (lack of users in small towns, occasional bugs, etc.). Even with those nagging issues, BeNaughty is still one of the best BDSM oriented dating sites out there. If you’re into chains, whips, and locks, this site will connect you with users with the same interests in a matter of hours, if not less. Their algorithm is truly one of the best out there and from our experience, it has a healthier ratio of men-women and that makes it more enjoyable if you’re a guy. The problem with many of the bigger sites is that they’re generally perceived as being a “sausage fest” and this keeps the platform from growing further. Thankfully for us, this isn’t an issue and the ratios are quite good on BeNaughty and the guys and girls on here tend to be a little bit younger than on 2Fuck and other platforms.
TRY BENAUGHTY
7. Reddit/Forums 4.0 out of 5.0 stars
If you’ve ever found someone to fool around with on an internet forum or somewhere like Reddit, you probably already know that it can be hit-or-miss. Sometimes you find someone worthy of your attention, but other times it can be a creep or someone who looks nothing like the person in their pictures. This is why it’s generally recommended to stay away from forums and stick to the dating sites, but with high risk comes high reward. Before Craigslist was forced to tighten up their website, the go-to place for kinky dating was Craigslist Personals. With this site no longer being a viable option for most people, we’ve compiled a list of the best Craigslist Personals Alternatives that a person can use to find partners for their BDSM kinks. The list isn’t perfect but so far, these are the platforms we’ve found to be most effective at finding suitable partners online.
TRY ALTERNATIVES
Explaining Online BDSM Dating
Alright, buckle the fuck up because we’re talking about BDSM dating online. Yeah, that’s right, I said BDSM. And before you start judging me, let me tell you something: people are into all sorts of kinky shit, and that’s their goddamn business. So if you’re into BDSM, and you’re looking to meet someone who shares your interests, then you might want to check out some online dating sites.
There are a ton of dating services out there, and some of them are free dating sites. You can find all sorts of online dating sites that cater to different niches, like matchmaking for Christian dating, senior dating, black dating, Asian dating, or same-sex dating. There are even dating sites that cater to introverts, because let’s face it, some of us just aren’t into the whole “meet new people” thing.
So, how do you find the best online dating sites for BDSM dating? Well, first of all, you need to create a dating profile. Yeah, I know, it’s a pain in the ass, but it’s the only way you’re going to find love online. You’ll need to fill out a personality test and answer some questions about what you’re looking for in a mate. This is important, because you want to find like-minded people who are into the same shit as you.
Once you’ve signed up for a dating website, you can start browsing profiles and chatting with other users. Some dating apps, like OkCupid, allow you to message other users for free, while others, like Zoosk or Plenty of Fish, require a paid subscription. You can also use features like winks or swiping to show interest in other users.
But be careful, because there are scammers out there who are just looking to fuck you over. Make sure you read the dating site reviews and success stories before signing up for anything. And never give out your personal information, like your address or phone number, until you know someone well enough to trust them.
If you’re looking for something more serious, like a long-term relationship or even marriage, then you might want to try a matchmaking service or a dating site for singles. These sites cater to people who are looking for love, companionship, and possibly even someone to spend the rest of their life with.
So, if you’re into BDSM dating and you’re looking to meet someone who shares your interests, then sign up for a dating site and start browsing. Who knows, you might just find your soulmate. Or you might just end up hooking up with someone who likes to get spanked. Either way, it’s all good in the online dating world.
How To Pick The Best Dating Site For BDSM Lovers
The problem with having too many choices is that it can make it a daunting task for readers to identify and filter out which sites are good and which ones aren’t. With enough persistence and a little bit of luck, virtually anyone should be able to find success on each one of the options we’ve listed. However, some require far more effort than others and this means that the smartest decision would be to weed out the good from the bad in the beginning. You see, while AdultFriendFinder may be the best overall platform to go with, it may not necessarily be the best BDSM site in Florida for example (*I’m not sure how effective AFF is in Florida*) and this means that you’ll likely be better off finding an alternative. Here’s how to find the best choice for you.
1. Try Their Trials
Most (but not all) respectable website out there offer trial services in which you can purchase a week’s worth of the service and have the option to get a full refund if you’re not satisfied. The quickest and easiest way to determine if a site is worth your time is by trying out their limited trials to see what kind of value you can get out of it.
2. Determine Their Popularity in Your Area
If for whatever reason you are unable to try out their trials, you’ll likely want to see how popular these websites are in your area. By doing this, you can see how much volume you’ll be dealing with and whether or not you’ll be running into the same people constantly. Chances are that the best choices are going to be FetLife and Alt.com if you live in a smaller city, but you never know until you sign up.
3. Read Online Reviews of BDSM Dating Sites
Generally reading reviews is a good thing and is recommended before making big purchases (especially online) but there are some problems with this strategy. There are typically a lot of disingenuous and/or misleading reviews online about certain services which makes this strategy a little bit useless. Sometimes a competitor of a certain brand is trying to hurt their image by writing a poor review while other times, companies can hire people out to write reviews that show them in a positive light. For this reason, we don’t typically recommend our readers to go the review route and stick to the trials.
BDSM Dating Sites and Apps Now Vs. In The Past
While there aren’t quite as many options out there as we’d like, the BDSM community has taken major strides in the past few years and more and more platforms seem to pop up each year. This has definitely had a positive impact on the community and has promoted growth internally, but there are some problems that accompany this new movement. For starters, all of these choices that we’re presented with has somewhat diluted the community and has resulted in too many individuals using too many different websites/apps. Sure, you can find someone suitable on pretty much all of the platforms we’ve went over, but it would be much nicer if the entirety of the BDSM community could all be on one or two sites to make things easier for those of us that are more hard-core. Just looking at things from a broad perspective though, it’s not hard to tell that the changes that have taken place in regards to this industry (if you can call it that) have mostly been for the better.
Is It Easy To Meet People on Fetish/BDSM Dating Websites?
Yes, people are serious about fetishes. Once you join and interact with the members, you can find plenty of people who will chat with you in the forums and groups. Depending on which hours you go online and the size of the fetish community in your area, you might find many people eager to talk at once.
Even though you can find users who enjoy the same fetishes as you in these online communities, that doesn’t mean they will meet you offline. As with any dating site, the members of fetish dating websites need to feel a sense of trust and familiarity before they’ll meet you in person.
Are you a Dom, Sub, or Switch?
Sessions of play are sometimes called “scenes” requiring a Dom, Sub, or Switch. If a website asks you whether you’re a Dom, Sub, or Switch, this means whether you like to be:
- DOM – the one giving pleasure/pain
- SUB – the one receiving pleasure/pain
- SWITCH – one who can play either role
Despite what you would assume, the Receiver/Sub is usually the one who directs “the scene.”
Dominants are trying their best to give pleasure to the submissive so that the submissive will keep using a Dom’s services. Successful negotiation increases trust and partners can closely bond together after so many sessions.
BDSM players do not like an abusive or arrogant Dom that doesn’t understand the psychology or responsibility of directing the scene. Bad Doms who don’t know what they’re doing are often shunned from the community, so be careful!
Respecting Hard and Soft Limits
Speaking of rules, trust is easy to promise but sometimes hard to live up to. Don’t assume you can improvise. Stick to the system of hard/soft limits to avoid making an enemy for life.
If someone mentions any of these phrases when discussing fantasies, pay close attention:
- Hard Limits: Never do this – going beyond one’s hard limits is breaking their trust
- Soft Limits: Yes, the sub may be negotiable, but it can only happen according to their level of comfort – not yours
- Safe Words: If a sub gets scared and uses the “safe word” (something you both agree upon before the scene happens) then that means STOP. Don’t resume until given the go-ahead
- Red, Yellow, Green: Instead of a safe word, there may be levels of comfort. Such as Red: Stop, Yellow: Proceed slowly and cautiously, and Green: More, More, More!
Bottom Line: BDSM Dating Sites Work If You Make Them Work For You
If you’re not new to this space, then you probably already know how frustrating it can be to try and find a suitable partner in the real world, let alone online where everyone is hidden behind a computer screen.With that being said, there is still a lot of potential out there for certain individuals and this means that the space of kink-oriented dating is far from dead; in fact the complete opposite is true. The percentage of individuals who are “coming out” about their naughty fetishes and fantasies is rising every single year and with it, so too is the amount of dating sites available.
After graduating with a bachelors of psychology from Columbia University in 2006, Alexander decided that he would choose to go down the path of self-employment rather than traditional employment as most graduates do. Since then, he has rigorously studied how online dating platforms work and has cemented himself as an authority in the space. Readers respect him for his tremendous and brutally honest insight on various dating apps, adult products, and guides.
