Breakups hurt, and the unfortunate truth is that most relationships end in a trainwreck so it is inevitable that most of us will experience true heartbreak at one point or another. While conventional wisdom might tell you that once a couple breaks up it is best for both parties to move on, that is not always true. Oftentimes, each partner will regret the breakup once they realize the grass is not always greener (Unfortunately, they often have this realization at different times). You may have tried everything in your power to get your ex back, but chances are you have gone about it the wrong way as most people do in times of desperation and high emotional volatility. While the reason for the breakup plays a big part in your chances of success, almost anyone can get their ex back permanently. It is simply a matter of pushing the right buttons in a schematic manner whilst also being persistent, but not needy or obsessive. This is how you REALLY get your ex back.
1. Understand The Difference Between Persistence & Neediness. It’s Important.
One of the most important factors in getting your ex back is persistence, which means never giving up. Now, it is critical that you don’t interpret this as meaning that you must quadruple text your ex every morning, fill up their Instagram DM’s, and send them daily love letters. The more you do this, the more you lower your perceived value in your ex’s eyes. True persistence means never quitting but also being tactical and not getting in your own way. If you truly want to get back with an ex, you won’t jump the gun and make novice mistakes.
The reason we’ll be going over this same topic throughout this article is because being needy, obsessive, and downright annoying is the main reason that most people fail at getting their exes back. It won’t make it impossible to revive the relationship, but you’d essentially be digging yourself into a deeper hole by doing this. The Ex Factor Guide goes deeper into this issue.
2. Getting An Ex Back Permanently Requires a Proven Strategy
You CAN try to wing it all on your own like hundreds of millions of other people have tried before you, but if you’re not equipped with the right skillset and aren’t ready to enforce a proven strategy, the odds of getting your ex back are low. That’s why we recommend using The Ex Factor Guide. This program has helped an exorbitant amount of people get back with their ex in a matter of a few short weeks. This includes people who lost their relationship due to them cheating, exhibiting gambling problems, and even being incarcerated! For people who broke up because of silly arguments and disagreements, getting an ex back is very simple when using The Ex Factor Guide.
Again, the worst mistake you can make right now is not being tactical. The definition of insanity is said to be trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. If you don’t have a bulletproof strategy (like most people don’t), you need to use something like this program. Psychologists and therapists agree that the vast majority of people go trying to get their ex back the wrong way; this is simply because most people don’t understand human psychology and what creates desire, especially when it once existed and no longer does. These are pieces of information that don’t get discussed often because they are not known by many people. Watch the video below to understand exactly how to get your ex back in a short period of time.
3. How To Get Your Ex Back Fast: Getting Your Ex Back Requires Being Tactical & Having Patience
Because you’re human, you have human instincts and emotions. These instincts and emotions are what make us special, but they will absolutely demolish any chance you have of getting back with your ex if you don’t contain them. Negative emotions are the reason why 95%+ of people are unable to ever reconnect with their ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend, and that’s sad. These are people that COULD have had their relationship restored, but didn’t because they were undisciplined.
The main thing to understand is that it’s a cat and mouse game, and you don’t want to be the cat. You will never get your ex back using force; instead you must make them come to you.
Understand That Text/Social Media Communication Needs to Be Done Right
Us humans tend to behave very differently when we’re not face-to-face with another human being. It’s the reason why we’re so quick to honk the horn and cuss people out in traffic whom we would otherwise likely be forgiving of; the lack of a face-to-face interaction makes the experience less humanlike. You need to understand that text communication needs to be done very meticulously; you can ruin all of your progress with one wrong text at the wrong time which is why we recommend using The Ex Factor Guide; so you can avoid the mistakes. The whole point of talking with your ex over text is to get an in-person interaction to occur, where your chances of getting them back improve dramatically.
You must learn how to text the right things at the right time and behave on social media. If you’re watching their Instagram stories immediately after being posted on a Saturday night and then proceed to triple text them something passive aggressively, you are setting yourself up for failure. Most people text in a way that reeks of desperation which is why they are constantly failing. You must learn how to limit your attention. Use absence to increase respect and desire; too much circulation makes the price go down.
Don’t Try To Use Pity To Get An Ex Back
Another huge mistake that too many people make is trying to make their ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend feel sorry for them in order to get them back. This almost never works and even if it does, it is almost inevitable that the relationship will either A) not last, or B) become extremely toxic. You must impress your ex and regain their respect if you want to have any chance at getting back together with them. Failure to do this will almost certainly lead to you not getting them back.
Avoid Becoming Emotional And/Or Aggressive
It can be very easy to get frustrated and overly emotional when trying to get your ex back. What you must never do is put the final nail in your own coffin. This would mean doing things like saying things you can’t take back (i.e. I never respected you and was only with you for XYZ reasons), getting physically abusive, damaging their property, demanding that they compensate you, or verbally attacking family members. Once you get into these sorts of things, it’s very hard to ever recover.
Instead, take a deep breath and relax. Understand that this is a marathon and not a race; it could very well take several weeks and even months to get your ex back especially if you aren’t using The Ex Factor Guide, which can speed up the process.
Do NOT Contact Friends or Family Of Your Ex To Reach Them
Another trap that many people fall into is contacting the loved ones of their ex if they cannot reach their ex directly. This does nothing but add fuel to the fire 90% of the time. You will only anger your ex and make yourself look more desperate for their attention which is not what you want to do at any point in time. What you’ll generally experience in doing this is getting a temporary reaction out of your ex – they will probably get back to you with an angry message telling you to “stop contacting my friend/brother/co-worker/cousin/etc.”
Instead, keep a cool head and be tactical. The only time contacting the loved ones of an ex is justified is when there is genuinely an emergency that they need to be alerted of. Otherwise, you’d just be wasting your time trying to get their attention using their loved ones.
4. Consider The Reason(s) For The Breakup and The Length Of The Relationship
There is really no “one size fits all” because every relationship is so different. The Ex Factor Guide helps a lot and should be used by anyone who is seriously trying to get their ex back, but even that has some limitations considering that each situation is unique. Getting back with an ex-wife or an ex-husband of 25 years with whom you share 3 kids with is very, very different from trying to get back with your college-aged ex girlfriend of 8 weeks who was more of a hookup than anything.
The reason for the breakup is also extremely important to consider. Getting back with an ex with whom you had some disagreements with is much easier to accomplish than getting back with an ex whom you cheated on or were physically abusive with (as examples of things you should never do). The longer the relationship was, the simpler getting the ex back should be (in theory). This is because the bond and love grows to greater levels over time and a relationship of just a few weeks or months typically isn’t going to have any lasting effects on the mind or emotions of your ex. However even if it would be more simple, using The Ex Factor Guide would still help you tremendously.
Whatever the reason for the breakup was, try to correct those things and don’t just try to pretend that you have corrected them. If you were unfaithful, do the things that would help you avoid falling into this kind of behaviour again. This can be by doing things like seeing a therapist, joining your local church, or reading some books on psychology. If your breakup happened because of money issues, learn how to become more financially literate and/or compatible with your partner. Take some time to see things from their perspective and when you finally reconnect with them, share what you’ve learned and why things would be different this time around.
5. Enforce The No Contact Rule With Your Ex
If you have done any kind of research on getting an ex back, you have surely heard about the no-contact rule. This rule basically tells us that immediately following a breakup, both parties should take some time for themselves to heal and reflect on the breakup, and how they might need to pivot. We agree with the other blogs that this is an important part of the process in getting your ex back, however the no-contact rule should never take too long.
This is a critical part of the process because immediately following a breakup, emotions are still running high. Both parties might be filled with rage/discontent/agony/depression and trying to restore a relationship in that kind of state of mind is hopeless. Take some time for yourselves to figure out what just happened, why it happened, and what both of you could have done differently given the circumstances.
There is no rule for how long no-contact should be done, but in my experience most people can be done with it in 6-8 weeks maximum, although in rare cases it takes longer. Some people try to bypass this step but they will constantly fail and hit a wall; if neither party takes a break from the relationship, restoring the love that was once there can be downright impossible. Some psychologists argue that the longer the no-contact period is, the healthier the relationship can become afterwards, but there is much debate about this currently. There are plenty of people who only did no-contact for 2 or 3 weeks and have a significantly stronger and more loving relationship than they did the first time. It really differs from couple to couple, so don’t think about the length of no-contact too much. Do what feels right and be certain that not only you, but your ex is also ready to move forward. It might take longer for them to recover from the breakup than it’ll take you.
Should I Answer My Ex’s Calls During No-Contact?
No. You shouldn’t answer your ex’s call. The only exception to this is if you are close to ending your no contact and you are already feeling great about your life. If you think that talking to your ex will have you obsessing about them again, don’t answer their call.
- What if my ex moves on during no contact?
- What if my ex meets someone and gets married during no contact?
- What if my ex forgets about me during no contact?
Good questions. And the answer to all of them is NO, THEY WON’T. If you and your ex were in any type of serious relationship, then they will not be able to move on so quickly. In fact, no contact is only going to make them miss you more and remember the good things about you. You have to take a leap of faith over here. The alternative to no contact is being a creep and texting and stalking your ex all the time, which will probably lead to a restraining order against you. You really don’t have much of an option.
How To Get An Ex Back Permanently: Don’t Panic If They Found Someone Else (Rebound Relationships)
One of the most common things to happen after a relationship ends is for one (or both) parties to enter what is known as a rebound relationship. A rebound relationship generally acts as a temporary band-aid for someone who is hurt after ending a relationship. People who quickly get into new relationships after ending one tend to be uncomfortable being alone and are often subconsciously feeling a lot of pain.
If you believe that your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend has entered a new relationship or is using dating apps, it is important not to panic. This is extremely common and while it can make things more difficult in terms of getting your ex back, a rebound doesn’t mean much and shouldn’t eliminate your hopes entirely. The reason you should remain hopeful is because the vast majority of rebound relationships end because they are not relationships built on love but rather hurt. You should definitely not be trying to end that relationship prematurely because you could end up strengthening your ex’s bond with their new partner.
You Must Lure Your Ex Back To You, Don’t Chase Your Ex
Again, one of the most important strategies you can use to get your ex back is avoid contact and not directly try to win them back. A fresh breakup almost always ends in a cat & mouse game, and you don’t want to be the cat chasing the mouse. Sending love letters, paragraphs via text, contacting their family, begging, and making them lose respect for you is never going to work. Instead, you must find a way to lure them back to you, and the actual method used to achieve this can differ from person to person.
Social Media Can Work in Your Favor
Let’s face it, we live in a digital age and social media plays a huge part in most of our lives. If you and your ex are like most couples, you will probably delete or unfollow each other on social media as a way to avoid seeing one another and feeling pain. However, this is not always the case. If neither of you are pestering the other via that social media channel, it’s entirely possible that neither of you would bother deleting the other. If your ex still follows you on Instagram for example, you can use Instagram’s story feature in your favour, but you must only do so when you have a strategy.
If you know that your ex loves to ski, one way to get their attention might be to post a story of yourself skiing (assuming of course, you also enjoyed skiing and have done it in the past). The goal is to pique their interest and make them send you a message. This can be messages such as “where are you doing that?” or “how are the conditions on X mountain right now?”. What you definitely want to avoid doing is trying to make your ex explicitly jealous right off the bat. While posting some stories with some other guys/girls could work at making them just jealous enough to want you again, you do not want to be too overt with it. Do not post a story of a girl grinding on you if you’re a guy, as an example.
Make it Clear To Your Ex’s Loved Ones That You’ve Moved On & Improved
If your ex has gone ahead and blocked or removed you on all social media platforms, chances are that you will still have some of her close contacts on social media. In this case, social media can definitely still work in your favour as long as you have a strategy. If your ex’s cousin sees you on your Instagram story vacationing in Bali with attractive people in the background, they will most definitely contact your ex saying something along the lines of “Did you see ____ and what she/he was doing?”. The goal here is to regain their attention and have them thinking about you in a positive light again.
Now, we’re not saying that you have to book a trip to Bali just to get some intrigue from the cousin of your ex. The point we’re trying to make however is that your social media posts need to certainly be interesting if you want to gain some attention. Posting a picture of your meal or your Starbucks coffee cup is not going to create any intrigue and your ex (or their close contacts) will not be talking about you.
Don’t Overplay Your Hand – Zero Contact Only Works To An Extent
This might be confusing because in a way it directly contradicts what we’ve been preaching throughout this entire article, but you can’t make yourself TOO absent. So while you should definitely be limiting your attention and not flooding your ex’s inbox, don’t overdo it. Don’t move to a different country, delete your socials, and change your phone number in the hopes that your ex will one day show up on your doorstep, because that obviously won’t happen.
Ideally you want to limit your attention just enough so that your ex desires it, but also hasn’t moved on/forgotten about you. This is a very fine line and the amount of time that needs to elapse varies from relationship to relationship. For some it could be a few days whilst for others it’s several months. Only you will be able to know and feel out how long you want to limit your attention for.
Discuss What Will Be Different In Person With Your Ex
The end goal of everything we’ve discussed throughout this article is to get back with your ex. However, to get back with your ex you must meet with them in person, but that can only be achieved through certain strategies which are discussed in The Ex Factor Guide.
The moment you and your ex reconnect in real life after no-contact is certainly the most crucial moment throughout this entire process. If they sense desperation, a lack of authenticity, or deceit when speaking to you, the odds of getting back with your ex are greatly diminished. If they see that you haven’t changed and are still exhibiting many of the same traits that made them decide to break up with you in the first place – again, not a good thing. Your ex must see that you have genuinely made a change and improved dramatically. They must see you in a good state of mind and should almost be looking up to you. In order for this to be the case, you must actually improve yourself as a human being and work on the things that your ex was not fond of. If you were addicted to gambling, make sure you’ve actually defeated the addiction rather than just pretending to have defeated it in order to win back your ex.
You do not want to show up there with dark circles under your eyes, a visible gut, and a new drug addiction. Humans are visual creatures and the vibe you give off is extremely important. If your ex sees you as weak, desperate, embarrassing, and on the brink of a breakdown, you will stand virtually no chance at getting them back. Respect is key when not only reconnecting a relationship, but starting one as well. Absolutely nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone that they do not respect. Appearing weak and begging for your ex’s attention will do nothing but make them lose respect for you.
Contacting Your Ex: What You Should (And Shouldn’t) Say To Them
It’s entirely possible that your ex will contact you first since it is possible that they will also miss you, but you need to be prepared for a situation where that doesn’t happen. Because that is also a real possibility as well. Whatever you do, you must remember that you must not discuss getting back together right off the bat, and especially not over text. Do not give off the needy vibe and say things like “I miss you” or “I keep thinking about you”. Instead, try to let your ex know that something you saw/did reminded you of them, or perhaps bring up an old, pleasant memory that you enjoyed with him/her. This could mean saying something along the lines of
just watched X movie yesterday and saw a scene that reminded me of the time we went doing XYZ and we couldn’t stop laughing at the guy doing X”.
At some point, you will probably also need to be the one that initiates an in-person meeting. What you must also not do is call it a date – instead, think about telling your ex that you think it’s important that you both meet to reflect on what happened (both good and bad) throughout your relationship, and how you both can continue on with your lives and become better human beings. If you feel that they are receptive and are also considering getting back together via text, you can get a little bit more personal and say something along the lines of “I’d like to discuss some of the things I did wrong and apologize”. Ideally, these are things you genuinely feel like saying because most people are incredibly good at detecting inauthenticity.
Should I Try To Make My Ex Jealous?
A common strategy that many people try using to get back with their ex is to make their ex jealous. Generally speaking, it’s not going to be the best way to go about doing things. Context also matters – there’s a big difference between making your ex jealous that you’re vacationing in Florida and making your ex jealous by posting a story of you getting grinded on by other guys/girls in the club. The former can work at getting your ex’s attention and helping spark a conversation, the latter not so much. Try your best to do anything that piques their interest, but be careful not to push it too far.
Bottom Line: Getting Back With Your Ex is Possible When You Do The Right Things
The mere fact that you and your ex were once in a relationship together is enough to tell you that you both found one another attractive as a partner and that it can happen once again. It’s also important to note that while you may feel that your ex has completely moved on and is ready to enter a long term relationship with someone new, it is not only possible, but likely that they also feel some strong emotions about reconnecting with you as well. Many people hide how they really feel in order to avoid being vulnerable. If you are capable of remaining patient and are clever enough to use the right strategies & push the right buttons, you can definitely put yourself in a great position to get back with your ex. The Ex Factor Guide covers all of the strategies that you must know and utilize.
The main theme of this article has been to not overdo it. The Fate covers more dating and relationship advice. Don’t be the guy/girl who is acting all desperate and sending paragraph after paragraph via text. Don’t cry begging for their attention. Don’t contact their mom asking if they’re okay. Instead, improve yourself as a human being and become the type of person that your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend would genuinely want to date. If you broke up because you have an addiction to alcohol, beat the addiction and make it clear to your ex that it’s something you’ve overcome. If you broke up because of arguments, show your ex that you’re going to start understanding things from their perspective. Whatever the case may be, improving your current situation is the best way to go about winning over your ex. In most cases, you will agree that both you and your ex deserve better. The only real way to achieve that is to both better yourselves as humans before reconnecting on a deeper level.
It is also critical to know that not all exes get back together. The only thing you can realistically do is improve your odds of getting back together, but them being closed off to the idea completely is not off the table. It’s possible that your ex is completely turned off by the idea and no matter how much you try, you just won’t be able to get their attention in any feasible way. If this happens, the only option you theoretically have is to give it time and focus on what you can do best to move on. Most exes can be won back, but be aware that the situation is not black and white.
After graduating with a bachelors of psychology from Columbia University in 2006, Alexander decided that he would choose to go down the path of self-employment rather than traditional employment as most graduates do. Since then, he has rigorously studied how online dating platforms work and has cemented himself as an authority in the space. Readers respect him for his tremendous and brutally honest insight on various dating apps, adult products, and guides.
